


Breathe Me

by SmallTownSlytherin



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Before Peter betrayed them, Fluff and Angst, Happy Ending, Other, Werewolves
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-03
Updated: 2018-06-03
Packaged: 2019-05-17 19:47:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,735
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14838056
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SmallTownSlytherin/pseuds/SmallTownSlytherin
Summary: Remus Lupin never thought he would be accepted for who he was. That is, until he met his best friends at Hogwarts. The only ones who ever made him feel accepted for who he truly was.





	Breathe Me

**Author's Note:**

> I found this story in my files and figured I would post it. It hadn't be touched since 2016, so I figured I would go ahead and post it. Based on the ending, I'm not sure if I had more planned for it, but I might come back to it later. For now, I feel confident enough to post it.

_ No matter how many potions he took, or how many happy tales Remus read before bed, he could not go without having a nightmare. Nightmares that racked his body, leaving him spazzing in fear and choking on sobs. Nightmares that often awoke him so quickly he fell off his bed and onto the floor.  _

_ Sometimes, he dreams of that awful night. He remembers being a young, innocent child with a loving mother and father, sleeping peacefully in his bed until the sounds of his window being forced open awoke him. He remembers Fenrir Greyback- the werewolf whom his father despised and wanted dead- ripping his sharp nails across the soft, untouched skin of his face. He remembers screaming and choking on his own blood. He remembered the flashes of light as his father fought of Greyback while his mother cowered on the bed with him. He remembers the terrible, agonizing pain and smirk of triumph on Greyback’s face when he snarled,  _ “There’s no cure for lycanthropy.”  _ As his world began turning black. _

_ He doesn’t remember much after that. He remembers the desperate trips to the healers, all with the same results, the same phrase.  _ “There’s no cure for lycanthropy.”

_ When the first full moon comes after his attack, nothing could prepare Remus for the agony that racks his body. He screams and he seizes, begging for his parents to help him as they keep him locked away in a room blasted with the strongest type of magic to keep him inside. He shifts into a tiny wolf pup, and when the pain passes, he’s attacking everything. Every piece of furniture- wood, metal, or fabric- is torn to shreds. There’s nothing left of the room when Remus is done. _

_ When he finally finds himself back in his human form, tiny, hurt, confused, and in pain, he’s allowed out. The room is cleaned, he’s given some food and a warm bath, and ushered off to bed. When he wraps his arms around his mother's neck for his usual good night hug and feels her tense up and gasp, he learns something new that night. _

_ His mother is afraid of him. _

_ Remus never hugs his mother again. _

_ He also learns he’s afraid, too. Afraid that one day he’ll come out his werewolf state to find both his parents dead, killed at his own hand.  _

_ He deals with this for a long, five years. At ten years old, Remus wonders if any other boys his age have thought about plunging a blade into their own heart to end it all, but he decides that’s not normal thoughts- no matter what. This is punishment. He reminds himself. For what you’ve done wrong. But he can’t think of anything he’s done in his life that deserves something so cruel. _

_ When his letter comes, Remus thinks there’s been a mistake. Surely, there has to have been. There’s no way they’ll let a werewolf into Hogwarts. He’s a monster, he’ll be a danger to the other students. But sure enough, he learns of the special accommodations that have been made especially for him, and he wonders if his life might be turning around for the better. _

_ He says goodbye to his parents at Platform 9 and ¾, but he doesn’t let them touch him.  _ You’re dangerous. _ He tells himself as he steps away from his mother's stretched out hand, which is shaking.  _ They’re terrified of you.

_ He finds an empty compartment and sits down, staring out the window as the train begins to move. He thinks about how his life might turn around for the better. Deep down inside, he hopes at this amazing school, he’ll find a cure. Deeper down inside, he knows he’s just dreaming. _

_ “Hey, can we sit in here with you?” A voice says, and he jumps and faces the door. Three other boys are standing there, peering in. “Everyone else is full.”  _

_ The speaker is a boy with incredibly messy black hair, soft hazel eyes and glasses. To his left is a boy with shoulder length black hair, dark eyes and a toothy grin, and to his right, a short, plump boy with blonde-grey hair and rather large front teeth. _

_ “Um, sure.” he says quickly, pressing himself against the window as the three step in and slide the door shut.  _

_ “I’m James. James Potter.” The boy who spoke says. He was a smirk in his voice that makes the one one his face. “This is Sirius Black.” he nods to the long haired boy. “And Peter Pettigrew.” he nods again to the bucktoothed boy. _

_ “I’m Remus. Remus Lupin.” he says, offering a shy smile. He tries not to get his hopes up, but if he can keep his secret hidden, he really hopes these boys will become his first friends. Not at Hogwarts, but in his lifetime. _

_ “What happened to your face?” James asked, pointing to the scars that streak across his face, and he winces and screws his eyes shut. _

_ “Really bad childhood accident. Touchy subject.” he settles on, and the subject is dropped. _

_ They arrive at the school, and to his delight, Remus Lupin becomes a Gryffindor along with the three boys from the train.  _

_ “I think we’ll make a tight bunch, yeah?” James smiles at the three while they feast, and Remus nods- perhaps a little too eagerly- but for the first time in his life, he feels accepted. _

\----

_ As the full moon grows close, Remus is taken to an abandoned house in Hogsmeade. In front of the house is a tall tree, which sways and swings its branches in a way that reminds Remus of a bully throwing a punch. _

_ “These, Remus, were created for you.” Dumbledore says, and Remus blinks up at in surprise. _

_ “The house? And the tree?” he realises these are the ‘special accommodations’ This is where he’ll stay during his transformation. The house, purposely built to look abandoned, will keep people away, and tree will enforce it. _

_ “Yes.” Dumbledore explains everything, but Remus doesn’t listen. He does hear one thing, however. He has to stay here for a week. Although his transformation only lasts one night, it’s the safest bet. After he’s taken into the house and he’s left alone to let the agony take over his body, he cries. _

_ He hates being alone. It’s almost as painful as transforming.  _

_ Tearing furniture apart doesn’t ease his nerves, he soon learns. However, tearing apart his skin does. He screams as he tears into his flesh with his teeth and nails, but he doesn’t stop. He can’t.  _

_ He’s alone. He’s afraid.  _

_ It hurts. _

_ \---- _

“You’re leaving again?” Sirius blinked as he watched Remus packing his suitcase. “How often does your mother get ill, mate?”

Remus offered a sheepish smile. “Too often. The healers can’t give us any answers, so we just hope for the best each time.”

“Kinda strange how she gets sick at nearly the same time every month, though, isn’t it?” James asked from his bed, not looking up from the book he was reading.

“Don’t be rude!” Peter scolded, before turning to Remus. “Keep us updated.” he said gently. “You never owl us like you promise.”

Remus winces. “Sorry. I just get….distracted.”

Peter and Sirius nodded as if they understood, but James snorted. 

“What’s your problem?” Sirius snapped at James, making Peter and Remus flinch.

“My problem? He’s lying! He isn’t going to visit his sick mother. She’s not sick. Come on, you really think she gets sick once a week-only a week-every month, around the same time, only to come back and act completely normal until next time?”

“Why are you being so rude?” Peter spoke up, but it was in a squeaky voice. Truly, he was terrified of James, who could take him down in a second if he wanted to. “It’s none of our business.”

“It’s my business when my so called friend goes missing once a month with some bullshit excuse.” James snaps, and with that he leaves the room.

“Hey-” Sirius says, after they all stop staring in shock at the door. “He’s just upset for some stupid reason, he didn’t-”

“It’s fine. I’ve got to go.” Remus says, and takes himself to Dumbledore’s office, where he and the headmaster will enjoy a meal together in private before he takes what he has dubbed the walk of shame.

When they’re walking, he can’t help but feel as if someone’s eyes are on them, but when he brings this up to Dumbledore, the man glances at him and shakes his head. 

Remus is again left to his own agony. He doesn’t know his friends are there, hiding under James’s stupid cloak. He doesn’t know they watch as he sobs and tears his flesh apart. He doesn’t know that they see him transform into the monster he is, and for whatever reason- pure luck, he assumes- he doesn’t see them flee back to the castle. 

\---

The door to their room slams shut, and Remus looks up from his books. James is standing in the doorway, eyes calm and quiet. “You should have told us.” he whispers

“James.” Peter says in a panicked tone as he sits up, eyes darting between the two. Remus feels his heart racing and his stomach plummets.

“I should have told you what?” he whispers back, refusing to make eye contact.

“James Potter, so help me, if you-” Sirius spits, but James ignores him.

“You’re a werewolf.” the words roll off of James’s tongue so calmly, so smoothly.

Remus can’t move. He can’t breathe. He sits there, struggling to make a bearing on his surroundings. 

Vaguely, he hears the sound of a fight, but when he comes back, Sirius is cupping his face, brushing away tears he didn’t know had been running down his face.

“It’s okay.” Sirius promises, sounding so sure and brave.

“It’s not.” he spits. “I’m a monster. You should be running away from me in fear. You should never want to be my friend again.”

“We’ll always be your friends.” James says, and Remus is shocked to see him sitting on his own bed with a black eye and bloody nose. 

“Are you sure?” Remus says in the same bitter tone. “Because if you’re actually planning to kill me, now is your chance.”

Instead, he’s pulled into a tight hug by Sirius, and seconds later, Peter and James join. 

For the second time in his life, Remus feels accepted.

\-----

 

**Author's Note:**

> As always, thanks for reading!


End file.
